The Long Road Stretches Out Ahead
by Darling Pretty
Summary: Post PP and GA finales. Derek was shot. Karev was shot. So Addison bullies Callie into letting her stay while she visits the two men stupid enough to get themselves shot and think they wouldn't have to deal with her. Addex! Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Just a little twoshot I shouldn't be starting. But I hope you enjoy it anyways. It's inspired by the song "Half a Million Miles" by The Kennedys and so, for the line breaks I decided that instead of doing my normal thing, there's a lyric from the song that kind of relates to the story. Some of them make more sense than others, but whatever. Enjoy!**

**I own nothing.**

_**Like a Colorado overflow down Congress Avenue…**_

The phone rings. Addison refuses to answer it. She's wallowing and she's allowed to wallow. The past twenty-four hours have been hell on earth. Dell and Maya and… and she's not thinking about any of it. She's wallowing, but she's not letting herself think.

The phone rings again. And again. It's insistent that she pick up. Finally she does. "What?" she bites.

"Addie?" It's the first time Callie's ever sounded even close to shaken up and immediately Addison starts freaking out.

"Callie?" she asks, even though she doesn't need it confirmed.

"I'm going to tell you something and I need you to not freak out, okay?" Callie says. That doesn't help. Addison starts freaking out. Well, after yesterday, she's paranoid and she's allowed to be.

"What's going on?" She tries to keep her voice steady—tries to keep down the terror that's rising like bile in her throat.

"Derek was shot."

"What?"

"He's going to be okay. He just… he was shot. And so were some of the new Mercy West people. And Alex. Karev, I mean. He was shot too." Addison's stomach churns, turning the terror into actual bile and she feels like she's going to throw up.

"I'm on my way," she says, already packing a small bag, not even bothering to ask _how _any of this happened.

"What? No, Addison, I didn't… I just wanted you to know. You don't need to-"

Addison cuts her off. "I have a bag ready, my car keys in hand, and a full tank of gas." She glances at the clock on her nightstand and does a mental calculation. "I'll be there late tomorrow. Maybe the next day. Can I stay with you?"

"Addison-"

"I'm coming," Addison declares and the lack of doubt in her voice proclaims that she is _not _to be toyed with.

_**Anyone with any sense was inside staying dry…**_

She rolls into Seattle just as the sun is rising on the day after tomorrow. She stopped at a rest stop to get a couple of hours of sleep, uncomfortably contorted in the passenger seat of her Lexus. Smart? Absolutely not. Necessary? Absolutely.

She likes driving. She can control things when she drives. And right now it feels like that's the _only _thing she can control.

She strides into the hospital, looking down to realize that she's still wearing the ratty sweatpants and v-neck t-shirt that constitute her wallowing outfit of almost two days ago, her face completely devoid of makeup. She should probably care about that, but she really doesn't right now.

It doesn't take her long to find Derek's room. She catches him when his room is empty and it doesn't take long for her to start yelling at him either. "You got yourself _shot_, Derek?"

"Addison?" he blinks, trying to make sure this isn't one of the side effects of one of the many painkillers he's taking. But he figures that the painkillers probably wouldn't cause pain like Addison does when she crosses to room to smack him in the chest, extra careful to avoid his bandages. "Ow!"

"You got yourself _shot_, Derek!" she repeats. "The _one _thing you promisedme that you _wouldn't_ do and you go out and do it! No wonder we're divorced!"

"Addison," Derek says, looking down at the claw she claims as a hand digging into his arm. "You're _hurting _me."

"Sorry!" Addison exclaims, releasing him. "No, you know what? You _deserve _to get hurt, getting shot like that! What were you _thinking_?"

"I wasn't thinking I _wanted _to get shot!" he snaps.

That brings her back to reality—the reality where Derek probably _hadn't _begged for a psycho to gun him down. "You're right," she whispers, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"Addison, what's wrong?" he asks, grabbing her wrist. Normally she would break down, but normally he isn't shot.

"Nothing. It's just been a long drive."

"We were married for eleven years, Addie. If you think I can't tell when you're lying…"

"Where's Meredith?" Addison asks suddenly because she's still not thinking about anything.

"What?"

"Meredith. Shouldn't she be here?"

"Oh, I don't know. Where she is, I mean."

"I'm going to find her."

"What? Addison, don't…" He trails off when Addison sends him a glare clearly meant to effectively silence him.

She strides out of the room, thankful to have something else to concentrate on.

_**Where Buddy's bones did lay…**_

It takes some searching, but she manages to find Meredith. In a supply closet. Sitting on an overturned bucket. Crying.

The thought to think about her actions doesn't occur to her. Within nanoseconds, she's in the closet, closing the door, and on the floor next to her ex-husband's girlfriend (Post-It wife?). "Meredith, are you okay?" And then she rolls her eyes subtly because what sort of okay person cries in closets?

Meredith looks up and Addison just knows. There's no scientific explanation for why she knows what happened to Meredith, _everything _that happened to Meredith, without Meredith telling her or even hinting. But it happens. Meredith looks up and Addison recognizes the hollowness in the eyes that betray the sudden emptiness of the body. Only Meredith's look lacks something Addison saw in the mirror the day of the abortion—guilt and self-loathing. That hasn't hit yet. "Oh Meredith," Addison sighs sympathetically, closing her eyes to blink away tears. Really? Her life can't be the only one falling apart? Everybody else's has to, too?

Addison's voice apparently triggers something in Meredith because the quiet crying crescendos into sobs. Addison just gathers the woman into her arms and tries not to join in the weeping.

Finally Meredith calms down. "Sorry," she apologizes, standing up, her voice raw.

"If you're up to it," Addison says quietly, standing and smoothing what would be her skirt if she weren't wearing sweats, "Derek really would like to see you." She sees Meredith bite her lip. "You haven't told him yet, have you? You should. He could help."

"He was shot!" Meredith exclaims, clearly not wanting to put anything else on his already wounded shoulders.

"He could still help," Addison insists.

They walk out of the supply closet and towards another door. "Where are we going?" Addison asks.

"I have to… It's my turn to sit with Alex."

They stand in the doorway of Alex Karev's hospital room. Addison looks over at his sleeping form. "Is…" She clears her throat. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighs thankfully. "He lost a lot of blood, but he'll be fine."

"I'll sit with him," Addison finds her mouth volunteering without consulting her brain. "You go talk to Derek. I'll sit with him."

"No, I wouldn't ask you to-"

"Go," Addison cuts her off. "I want to. Go."

Meredith hesitantly leaves and Addison hesitantly enters the room. She sits in a chair placed near his bed but that feels awkward so she shifts to balancing precariously on the edge of the bed. Then back to the chair. Then back to the bed.

She finally sits still long enough to study his face and almost chuckles at the fact that it took him getting shot for her to see him look truly peaceful. But the deathly silence of the room paired with his deathly still slumber turns her mind to other things, things she had shoved into a little box and refused to look at until now, when the box' lid comes bursting off and everything spills out like Pandora's plagues. The first tears are bitterly opposed and wiped away before they can blaze trails down her cheeks. The ones that follow are hot and overwhelm her quickly. She cries for Derek and Meredith and the baby that she can't help but think that she might have saved. She cries for Derek in the simple pine box that he always insisted he wanted, and for Alex in the simple pine box that would probably be all his people could afford, and for Maya and her baby, who had almost died, and for Dell, who had. And she cries because she can't see a way out of any of it. Right here, right now, there is nowhere to go.

_**When the sun comes up next morning on the sinners and the saint… **_

When Alex wakes up, he expects pain and someone smiling a forced smile at him, which is his normal routine now. He does _not _expect to shift slightly only to find that he has no room to move because there is a redhead balanced precariously on the ledge of his bed, sound asleep. A redhead who, upon further inspection, turns out to be his old boss. He can't figure out what she's doing in his room and why she's in his bed, but he's not really about to complain. Besides, he thinks wryly, it took him getting shot to see her looking truly peaceful.

She starts to stir when nurses come to check on him. He smirks, anticipating the shock she'll get when she wakes up. Just because he's in pain doesn't mean he can't enjoy this, right?

There's one beautiful second where she looks utterly content as she stretches awake. That shifts to utterly confused (which _may _be more beautiful than content) and then to just plain embarrassed. "Oh, I, uh, sorry!" she exclaims, flinging herself off the bed and onto her feet. "I didn't, uh, I mean, um, sorry."

"It's fine," he laughs in as much as he's able to. She does a really good job of hiding it, but he can see her flinch at the sound of his pathetic weakling laugh.

"How are you?" she inquires quietly. "I mean, aside from being shot and all."

He shrugs. "Okay, I guess."

"I don't know what that means," she admits. Okay is so very general and she doesn't know how to interpret it.

He studies her face. "What's wrong?" he asks her.

"What?" she shoots back, putting on her poker face. "Nothing's wrong."

"You're lying."

It's a simple statement, but it makes her feel ridiculously uncomfortable. It feels like his eyes are looking right into her and she doesn't like it. "I should go," she says, turning to leave.

"Addison."

The force in his voice does what he doesn't have the strength to do physically and turns her to look at him. And for some reason, she breaks again. All of the bad of the past week comes flooding out of her and she ends up sitting back on his bed, crying into his good shoulder.

"I, uh, sorry," she apologizes when she's done blubbering. "I didn't… Sorry."

He doesn't get a chance to answer. They turn towards the door when somebody clears their throat. Turns out it's Lexie.

"I should, um…" Addison stands up and nervously smoothes her sweats.

"Mark wants another chance," Lexie blurts out, ignoring the redhead completely. "And I'm…"

"Inclined to agree?" Alex fills in the blank. Addison feels like she should get out of the room, but Lexie's in the doorway.

Utterly painful silence. Then a quiet, "Yes."

"Good," Alex nods. Both Addison and Lexie look at him like he's crazy. He shrugs as best he can.

Lexie nods stiffly, turns and flees.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Addison says quietly after a suitably awkward silence.

"Don't be," he replies.

"You were just dumped!" she exclaims without thinking about how her words might come off.

He rolls his eyes. "I've been dumped with since I told a hallucination of Izzie that I loved her." There's something about the redhead that just makes him open up.

"Oh." Addison looks a little shocked, but nobody's really sure if it's because of the dumped thing or the Izzie thing. Maybe it's a little of both.

Alex's stomach growls and reminds Addison that she hasn't eaten today. "I'm going to get some breakfast," she announces. "I haven't eaten since like five yesterday."

"And bring me some?" he coaxes.

She rolls her eyes. "Wow, Karev. _That's _a classy first date. I'm _so _surprised you were broken up with."

"You want to date me?" he asks, that smirk playing on his face.

She takes a deep breath and laughs. "That would be a definite no. But I will bring you back food if you want."

"Pudding?"

"You're _not _eating pudding at eight in the morning."

"Why not?"

"Because it's eight in the morning!"

"I got shot!"

"Exactly!"

"You're not making sense!"

"You're a petulant five-year-old!" Addison laughs.

"Who wants pudding!" he returns, not even bothering to fight the accusation.

"I'm not bringing you pudding, Karev. Get over it."

_**The rain came down like hammered gold and rendered all things new…**_

Addison brings back a tray with breakfast for them. And Alex chuckles when he sees that she's brought him chocolate pudding. He goes to grab the cup and she slaps his hand. "That's mine," she explains simply.

"It's eight in the morning!"

"Yeah, so?" Then she flashes him a smile and gestures with a French toast stick. "Go ahead and eat it. I got it for you."

"What are you doing here?" he asks suddenly because subtlety was never his strong suit.

"What do you mean?" she returns mildly, looking at the syrup cup instead of him.

"You're sitting in my hospital room, eating breakfast. Why?"

"Because I'm hungry?"

"Addison."

"Because you got shot, okay?" she exclaims. "I'm sitting here because you got shot and I wouldn't want to be alone if I was shot and I don't want to be alone anyways. So I'm sitting here, trying to eat crappy breakfast food with you, but you're not that easy to get along with!"

"What happened?" he asks quietly. "In LA, I mean."

She exhales noisily and suddenly her mouth is relating the Pete thing and the Sam thing and the Maya thing and the Dell thing and all of the other things going on. And he just listens. Well, it's not like he's got anywhere else to be—he's kind of a captive audience.

"I'm sorry, Addison," he says when she's finished.

"Thanks," she replies stiffly.

"No, I mean... About before."

"Oh." She bites her lip. "I think we've moved past that, don't you?" She hesitates but finally asks, "Why now?"

He looks at her and gives her a half smile. "You're the first person to come in here and not look like I was shot." Her breath catches in her throat for absolutely no good reason.

Her phone buzzes and she clumsily reaches for it. "I should get this," she says with a sheepish laugh. She goes out the door, but hovers right around the doorway so he can still hear her half of the conversation.

"Hi, Sam."

"I'm in Seattle."

"I just… it was important."

"I don't think so."

"No… I think… I may be here for a little while."

"I don't know how long a little while is, Sam. If I knew specifics, I'd give you specifics."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't."

"I'll see you when I get back. Look, Sam, I have to go."

"Fine. Bye."

She reenters the room looking more tired than she left it. "You okay?" he wants to know.

"Yeah. I'm fine. It was just… It was Sam. And I don't want to deal with him right now."

"Does he know about Shepherd? I mean, doesn't he know him too?"

"No. I mean, yes, he knows him, but I didn't tell him. It's just… It's like… Seattle is mine. I mean, it's not mine. It's Derek's. But when I'm in LA, Seattle is mine. I don't know. It's stupid."

"Yeah. It is," Alex agrees with a laugh.

She glares and laughs too but stops to listen to his breathing when he starts fading. "Don't give me that look," he orders.

"What look?"

"The one that you're giving me."

"I'm not giving you any look."

"You're looking like I got shot. I'm going to make you leave if you're going to look at me like that."

"I'm not looking like you got shot. And you _did _get shot."

"If you're going to get all weepy, go sit with Shepherd. Just get the hell away from me. I don't want your pity."

"Alex!" she exclaims when she sees that he's dead serious. He just glares at her. She sighs in discontent. "_Fine_. I won't look at you like you got shot, even though you did." She rolls her eyes and plops herself down in the chair, arms crossed. "Stupid, pigheaded man," she mutters, but not so quietly that he can't hear it.

"That's more like it," he grins. She glares.

******I haven't gotten the next part writeen yet, but I know exactly what's going to happen, so I'll try to write it soon. I'd love to hear thoughts!**

**-Juli-**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, I did NOT mean for this to be so long. It's ridiculously long. But I figure that it's better if it's ridiculously long than ridiculously short, right?**

**I own nothing, but I do hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_**Round, round ten traveling years is a mighty long, long while…**_

As much as Addison hates to admit it, she falls into an easy sort of routine in Seattle. Every morning she'll sit with Derek and mostly snark at him for getting shot. Sometimes though, they'll talk like they used to before they were married, which is how Addison realizes that Derek and Meredith aren't talking and have started using her as a go-between. At some point they'll have to start talking, but right now she's happy to make sure that they get the important messages.

After she sits with Derek, she'll run to the cafeteria and grab lunch and a pudding. From there, she'll go to Alex' room, give him the pudding and eat lunch. As he starts to heal and it hurts him less to move, they get to know each other better, and soon she's tossing the pudding at his head instead of handing it to him. And as he starts to heal, he's able to catch it more often than not, which takes all the fun out of it for her.

After she sits with Alex, she'll usually go back to the Archfield (she had moved back in once she realized that she was staying for more than a week or two), get changed and go out to dinner, either with Callie, maybe Meredith, or alone. She always brings a book or a medical journal to read when she goes alone because she doesn't want to deal with anybody trying to approach her. She's not exactly sure where she and Sam stand, but she's pretty sure it doesn't involve getting hit on by strangers.

"Take your damn pudding," Addison says by way of announcing her presence, tossing the pudding at his head. He catches it and she pouts, "I think I liked it better when you couldn't catch it."

"I'm sorry," he apologizes graciously. "Next time I'll let you beam me in the head."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

"How's Shepherd?" he asks like he always does.

"He's fine," Addison answers as she always does.

They sit in silence as Addison eats her food and Alex enjoys his pudding as they always do. "Why are you doing this?" he asks suddenly.

She looks up from her meal and stares at him. This is not what they always do. Sometimes, if she's in a particularly rant-y mood, she'll rant to him about whatever she wants, but they never discuss them or why she's there. They just are and she just is and that's supposed to be enough. But looking into his eyes, she can see that today it's not enough, that she's not going to get out of this with a smartass answer. She takes a deep breath and exhales noisily. "Because… because I don't want to go back to LA. And because Derek… and you aren't out of the hospital. And Meredith's not talking to Derek nearly as much as she should be and… I don't really have a good reason but I just keep finding really stupid ones to stay."

"Why?"

"Do you want the real answer or something I make up to make you happy?"

"What do you think?"

"Okay, in the interest of full disclosure—I feel badly for you." She holds up her hands to silence his predictable protestations that he doesn't need her pity. "You got shot, your wife left you, and your girlfriend dumped you for my ex… thing. I get to feel a little sorry for you if I want. And you can complain all you want, and you can kick me out of your room, but it's not going to change the fact that I feel sorry for you."

"So that's it," he frowns. "You just feel sorry for me."

"That's _not _it," she insists. "That's why I stayed. That's not why I'm staying."

"So why are you staying?"

She bites her bottom lip. "I really, really don't want to go back to LA. Going back means dealing with everything and I'd rather fix all of Seattle's problems than deal with my own." Funny thing though? In the interest of full disclosure, the first word her mouth had gone to form was "you".

He nods and accepts this answer because he's pretty good at not dealing with things as well. And because he's secretly a good guy, he changes the topic quickly.

But then her phone rings. She looks down, sees that it's Sam and ignores the call. He asks who it was and she tells him because he _always _knows when she's lying. "You're going to have to deal with him, you know?"

She rolls her eyes. "Not now. Just… not now."

"That's stupid. Just get it over with," he orders.

"I don't want to," she insists.

"Damn it, Addison!" he explodes suddenly. "Deal with him already. Quit stringing him along. You've got someone who apparently loves you and you're yanking him around. Just stop. I don't know if you get some sort of sick fun out of it or something, but stop! If you want him, go home. If you don't, then _tell him_."

Her eyes narrow. "I don't _enjoy _this, Alex. This isn't _fun _for me! I _really _like him! I just can't deal with any of that now."

He rolls his eyes. "If you like him so much, why are you sitting in Seattle, ignoring him?"

"Oh, like you have any room to talk!" she snaps. "You told a freaking hallucination of your ex-wife that you're still in love with her!"

"That isn't even close to the same thing!"

"You had no right," she growls. "No right to give her hope like that. To stay with Lexie when you _knew _you were still in love with her! To let her think she had a chance!"

He rolls his eyes again because he realizes that this little outburst isn't really directed at him. "Don't make Izzie, Lexie and me about you and Shepherd and Meredith."

She gapes at him. "That's not true," she insists when she can talk. "I'm not."

"Really? Because Lexie and I have been broken up since you got here and she's happy. And you're bringing it up now? That has nothing to do with Shepherd at all?"

"It doesn't. I'm just saying that it's not like you've never strung someone along," she states.

He looks at her and goes quiet. This latest declaration is not about him, Lexie, and Izzie, or her, Shepherd, and Meredith. This is all about just the two of them. "I _said _I was sorry."

"Yeah, well, sometimes sorry doesn't cut it," she snaps and storms out of the room, wishing that hospital doors slammed more satisfactorily.

_**They talked about the old songs, they wrote one that was new…**_

She stays away from his room for the rest of the day, seething. She stays away from Derek too because she doesn't want him to start asking why things are suddenly being thrown at his head for being a man in bed with a gunshot wound.

"Addison?" Meredith asks, timidly approaching the redhead frantically pacing in the hallway, even though she's glad to be free of thinking about the baby and Derek for one moment. "Are you okay?"

"Is he always like that?" Addison replies with this non-sequitur and just keeps going. "I mean, he was like that all the time when I was here. But I thought he had stopped. Grown up or something. Stupid. Stupid. He's so obnoxious. I can't believe I ever… and we… God! I'm _so _stupid!"

"You must have been with Alex," Meredith surmises, a small twinkle dancing through her eyes and a smile playing on her lips.

Addison sighs heavily, the subtle signs of mischief lost on her. "How'd you guess?"

"I don't know anybody else who's that infuriating. Do you?"

She rubs at her temples, hoping to massage Alex Karev out of her head. "He's just… he acts like this big martyr and gets mad any time you _try _and show a little sympathy. And he wants me to talk to Sam. Says I'm stringing him along. Like it's any of his business."

"Is it?"

"Is it what?"

"Is it his business?"

"Sam? Of course it's not! Why would it be his business? It's not his business."

"It's just that if…"

"If what?" Addison brow furrows as she tries to puzzle out what the younger woman is hinting at.

"If you and Alex are friends, or, maybe you're…"

"If we're _what_?" Addison finally snaps.

"Sleeping together. If you guys are sleeping together then isn't Sam his business?"

"We're not sleeping together!" she screeches. "I don't even _like _him that much!"

"Sorry, it's just that… you spend a lot of time there. With the door closed."

"He was shot! And we're just talking!"

"Do you want to?"

"_Do I want to what_?" Addison is about to go ballistic over Meredith's maddeningly unclear questions.

"Do you want to sleep with Alex?"

"_No_!" she exclaims vehemently. Meredith gives her a look. "Maybe," she concedes and gets another look as they find an empty on call room. She flings herself face down on the bed. "Yes, okay? Yes," she mumbles into the pillows.

"Yes what?"

That riles Addison up all over again. "_Yes_! I don't want to call Sam because I want to sleep with Alex. But I don't want to sleep with Alex because I want to be with Sam!"

"Okay, so what are you going to do?" Meredith asks, using what Cristina calls her "shrink voice".

"I don't know," Addison sighs. "I don't get Alex. At all. But everything's an uphill battle with Sam. It's like I never stop fighting. And I'm tired. I want… I just want… I want what you and Derek have. Or at least had until you started using me as a carrier pigeon." She shoots an accusing glare that sends Meredith's gaze straight to the floor.

"You should probably tell him," Meredith says quietly.

"Tell who what?" Addison asks impatiently, not excited for the return of this part of the conversation.

"Tell Alex what you just told me."

"Why?"

"Just do it, Addison," Meredith sighs. Suddenly Addison can see just how tired the woman is. "Opportunity only knocks once, when God closes a door He opens a window, life's too short, carpe diem, and all that crap. Just do it, okay?" Meredith rolls her eyes and leaves before Addison can respond. Addison glares at her back but follows her out the door.

"Hey," Derek greets her, looking surprised that she's in his room in the afternoon.

Addison sighs. "Okay, I know you got shot and your wife's not talking to you and all of that, so my problems kind of pale in comparison, but can we talk about me for now?"

"Fine. Are you okay?"

"There may be the slightest possibility that…"

"That?"

"It's stupid. And you'd think I'd learn, you know?" She runs a hand through her hair. "It's so stupid!"

"_What's _stupid?" Derek asks, but she just keeps ranting.

"I mean, really? _You're not my girlfriend_? Who _says _that? Seriously?"

"Whose girlfriend are you not?"

"I just… Shouldn't I be like immune to this or something by now? Sterile or something?"

"Addison!" Derek exclaims. "Who the hell are we talking about?"

She shoots him an exasperated look. "Alex Karev. Who else would we be talking about?"

"Oh yeah," he mutters under his breath. "Because that was just _so _clear."

"Shut up, Derek, and help me!"

"With _what_, Addie?"

"I think I have feelings for Alex Karev! Again!"

"Again?"

His tone makes Addison stop and grin sheepishly. "Oh. Right. You don't know about that. Never mind, forget I said anything." She starts to back out of the room.

"Addie, I'm stuck in bed all day with nothing to do. We're friends. And I swear to God, if you leave me without telling me what the hell happened with you and Karev, I'll hurt you!"

"We slept together," Addison admits quietly. "And I thought… I thought we had something. Except we apparently didn't. Which he made very clear when later that day, he told me that I wasn't his girlfriend."

"I'll kill him," Derek says simply.

Addison laughs. "Yeah, good luck with that. I'm sure that's going to work."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Nothing," Addison sighs. "I was stupid once. I'm not going to do it again. I learn from my mistakes."

"Doesn't sound like it," Derek's snort earns him another death glare.

"I'm staying away from him," she insists.

"Why?"

"Because he's a jerk!"

"You like him."

"Derek-"

He cuts her off. "You think I like telling my ex-wife she has feelings for someone else? If I'm saying it, it's probably true. Karev's grown up a lot since you left and you spend so much time together… You need to tell him, Addie. That or go home."

Addison stares at the floor, willing tears away from her eyes. "I don't know where home is anymore," she admits.

Derek rewards that admission with one of his practically patented grins. "Then how do you know it's not with him?"

_**While the rain poured down with deep, dim sound, but they paid no mind to that…**_

It takes Addison a couple of minutes after leaving Derek's room to realize that she needs to do this, if only so she doesn't feel like she's being a teenage girl freaking out about her first crush. But then she realizes that there's a couple of things she needs to do first.

First she calls Sam. He doesn't seem surprised by this development and confesses that he figured that she probably wouldn't come home, at least to him, when she couldn't give him a return date. Seattle has a way of sucking people in apparently, and that was something he couldn't understand.

"Hey," Addison greets, poking her head through a doorway.

Callie looks up from her work. "Hey! I haven't seen you all day. Where have you been?"

"Quite possibly going insane," Addison responds.

"Okay," Callie says, dragging the last syllable out for a couple of seconds. She rolls the chair that she's sitting in away from the desk to study her friend. "Interesting answer."

"It's been an interesting day."

"What have you been doing?"

"I don't want to focus on what I've been doing," Addison asserts. "I want to focus on what I'm about to do."

Callie gives the eyebrow raise that insists Addison go on. "I'm about to tell Alex that… that I…"

"That you're in love with him?" Callie fills in the blanks when Addison falters.

"I'm not in love with him!" Addison exclaims. "I just like him. A lot."

"Finally," Callie sighs, her shoulders collapsing with the large portion of air she exhales.

"Finally?"

"It's certainly taken long enough!"

"You were… expecting this?"

Callie gives her friend a sympathetic and slightly condescending look. "I've seen you look at him."

Addison's jaw drops and she stammers some half-assed response. Callie laughs. "Addison. Bear. Picnic table. Turkey. Lines of deliciousness. And let's not forget puppy at a chew toy."

"I do _not _look at him like that!"

"No, it's gotten worse!" Callie insists. "It's not just lust in there anymore. It's love and don't you deny it."

"I'm not in love with him," Addison replies with a sigh. "But that's not the point. The point is that I'm going to tell him."

"When?"

"Now."

"Oh my God! Oh! This is exciting!" Callie almost screams, scrambling out of her chair to hug her friend. "Okay, good luck! Stop hanging around here. Go, go, go!"

Addison laughs as Callie basically pushes her out the door and down the hallway. She practically runs to Alex' room. At this point, the idea of getting this _thing _off her chest is already making her feel lighter.

"I have something to say," she announces when she enters the room.

Alex looks up, surprised. "Addison, about earlier, I didn't mean that… I just meant…"

"It's not important," she says, waving away his apology. "I mean, it _is_, it's just I want to say that…" she trails off when she sees his eyes widen, staring at the doorway behind her. She turns around and feels her own eyes widen. "Dr. Stevens," she chokes out.

"Izzie," Alex says at almost the same time.

_**Their hearts were cut with diamonds on that strange and fateful day…**_

"Hey," Izzie says quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks. It's silly and petty, but Addison feels her heart lift a little when she here's the disinterest in his voice.

"You were shot," Izzie answers as if this is the most obvious answer she could possibly give and he's an idiot for not guessing it.

"Like weeks ago!"

"A month," Addison murmurs.

"What?" Alex asks.

"It's been a month." She does a quick mental calculation. "Or it will be on Tuesday." The way that both Izzie and Alex stare at her makes her really, really wish that she had never drawn attention to herself. "Sorry," she apologizes quietly.

"What are you even doing here?" Izzie wants to know. Addison stares at the floor.

"The better question is what you're doing here," Alex cuts in. "We're divorced."

"I should, um, I'll go," Addison stammers, slipping around Izzie and running.

"Izzie's here," she proclaims to Callie the moment she finds her.

"What?"

"Izzie Stevens. Is here. In his room."

"Oh my God, were they…"

"What? No. No! God, no!" Addison exclaims trying to shake _that _particular thought out of her head. "No. I was going to tell him, and then she just… showed up."

"And… you ran?"

"Basically."

"That's lame."

"You think? But whatever. It's over. I'm just… I'm done. Clearly I'm meant to be alone."

"Addison-"

"No. It was stupid of me to even think… I've been here for three weeks. That's not even enough time to decide to like someone, let alone love them."

"Addison, can I ask you something?"

Addison gives her best friend a look. "Is that even a question anymore, Callie?"

"How did you feel when I told you Derek was shot?"

"What?"

"Well?"

Addison takes a deep breath and searches for the right words. "Like time just stopped. Everything froze."

"How did you feel when I told you about Alex?"

She closes her eyes and tries not to recall the feeling of air slamming out of her lungs. "Like a semi-truck ran me over."

"Yeah," Callie says, a small smile on her lips as she drags the word out. "That doesn't sound like you were over him the first time. In which case, three weeks is a perfectly acceptable amount of time to fall _back _in love with someone."

"I wasn't in love with him!"

Callie stares at her friend. "Really? You're trying to argue this with me? Seriously?" Addison tries to formulate a response and fails. "Go find out what Izzie wants," Callie orders. "I know you want to. And, hey, if you feel like it and you run into her, give her Addison Montgomery's version of a beat down, will you?"

Addison hides her smile as she leaves. This trip back to Alex' room is less giddy. But she's surprised when she returns and finds no Izzie Stevens. "Where's Izzie?" she blurts out.

"Gone," Alex shrugs.

"What? She… Alex, I'm so sorry. Sorry, I know you hate that word."

He rolls his eyes. "I made her leave, Addison. Not the other way around."

Addison is pretty sure that a full meal could be heaped onto the dinner plates of her eyes. "Why?" She blushes when she realizes just how bad that came out and hastens to correct it. "I mean… I just thought that you love her."

"I do." Addison hopes he doesn't see her flinch. "I always will. But…"

"But what?"

"I'm not _in _love with her. Not anymore."

"That sounds like semantics," she comments quietly.

"It's not."

They sit in silence for an uncomfortable minute until he breaks it suddenly. "I'm sorry I was such an asshole before you left. Before you went to LA, I mean. I didn't… It was stupid of me."

"Stupid?" Addison asks, lifting her eyes to lock with his. She bites her lip nervously, praying that his answer will be the one she wants.

"I just… I shouldn't have treated you like that. I was just… I wasn't ready. Stupid."

"So you're saying that… you wouldn't do it now?" Addison asks, trying to fill in the blanks.

"I'm saying that... I wish I would have realized just how stupid I had to be to have you and ruin it."

Addison is surprised that he hasn't commented on the quick, erratic thudding coming from her chest, since she's pretty sure that people in _Maine _can probably hear the pounding in her chest. "What if… what if you got another chance? Like another life?"

"Did you just seriously bring video games into this?" he laughs.

Addison glares, but secretly she's glad that the mood has been lightened. "Really? I'm trying to be nice and offer you another chance and you're providing smartass commentary on my choice of words?"

He gives her a lopsided grin and she pretends that it _doesn't _make her heart decide to take an impromptu field trip to her throat. "I just thought if you're a gamer, you might have costumes."

She swallows and shoves her heart right back down to its proper place in her chest. She twists her lips into a smirk as she realizes just how to gain control of the situation. "Costumes, I have. Whether or not you get to _see_ them rests entirely on the rest of your commentary," she says, quirking an eyebrow as she perches on the edge of his bed.

"I'll shut up," he replies quickly.

"Good answer," she grins and leans down to kiss him.

_**When the long road stretches out ahead a half a million miles…**_

Meredith hovers nervously in the doorway of Derek's room. Addison gives her a gentle shove forward. Derek looks up and sees him current wife with his ex-one. "Yes?" he asked, a bemused little smile on his face.

"You tell him," Meredith mumbles. "It's your freaking news.

Addison pulls Meredith aside. "Meredith, if you two don't start talking, I _promise _you that you will _not _stay together. Is that what you want?"

"No, but…"

"This is a perfect peace offering. Just do it."

Meredith looks at Derek. "Yeah, Mer?" he asks.

"Addison and Alex are in love," she announces.

Addison scoffs. "I did _not_ say that! That's not true!"

"Sure, Addie, _sure_," Derek says. "We believe that."

"Absolutely," Meredith nods. Then she looks at Derek, who pats the bed next to him. Addison leaves discreetly.

She returns to Alex' room with a smile on her face. "Mission accomplished?" he asks.

"Yep," she smiles, motioning for him to scoot over.

"So what are you going to do now that Meredith and Shepherd are fixed and I'm getting out of the hospital tomorrow?"

She gives him a big, cheesy grin. "I'm going to Disneyland!"

"Back to LA. Oh, I get it," he teases her. "The second I'm not a freaking invalid, you leave. That's cool."

"Alex," she laughs a little. "I'm not leaving you. We'll figure it out."

He kisses her. "I know. I'm not letting you go again. I learn from my mistakes."

There's a sparkle in her eyes as she widens them. "_Really_?" she asks. "When do I get to see proof of this miracle?"

He laughs and she's happy to note how much better his laugh sounds now. "You're not enough?"

"Alex," she whispers. "Don't do any of that again, okay?"

"What?"

She sighs. "Lead me on again and I'll do _this_," she says, tracing where she knows the bandages are underneath his shirt. "And if _this_ happens again, I'll bring you back from the dead and shoot you myself."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, chuckling a little.

"I'm saying don't leave me, okay?"

He grins. "I won't. Promise."

She smiles back. "In that case…" She reaches into her bag and gently tosses a chocolate pudding at his head. He's not ready to catch it and it bounces off. She starts laughing. "Nope, you're reflexes are still as sucky as ever!"

"I wasn't ready! And _you're_ teasing _me_ when you're the one who talks about extra lives and bringing people back from the dead?" he laughs.

"Shut up," she giggles. "And you deserve every last one of the puddings I bounce off your head!"

He sighs overdramatically. "Is this going to stop? Ever?"

"Nope!" she chirps. "The pudding bouncings _will_ continue!"

"Forever?" he groans.

She pretends to think about it. "Maybe on the honeymoon. But I wouldn't push your luck."

They don't talk after that. It's difficult to talk while kissing.

* * *

**I TOLD you it was long! But I hope you liked it anyways!**

**Certain people who most certainly know who they are might notice some similarities. Not my fault we're comedic gold.**

**Sorry that end got so wacky, by the way. I wrote it at like three in the morning, which I think explains a lot.**

**Anyways…**

**-Juli-**


End file.
